An image I found on Pinterest of one of my favorite verses in Psalm 118.
How can a brokenhearted woman, imprisoned in the dark cell of her despair and guilt, covered with the pain of her ashes, grieved beyond hope, become an "oak of righteousness," become "a display of His splendor"?
I cannot explain to you the way God performs this miracle. But I know it is possible because it happened to me. I was "poor in spirit." Completely used up after the death of my daughter. I felt God had left me, that his presence and blessing had departed as she drew her last breath. But Christ came to bind up my broken-heart. He proclaimed freedom for my heart, release from my self-codemning thoughts that imprisoned me in guilt. He loosed me from the cross I tried to hang myself upon. I tried to take His rightful place, a place only Christ himself can occupy. And then He came and illuminated the darkness of my long night with the light of His counsel, the truth of His provision, not just for Stacey, but for me as well. He caused me to gaze into His eyes and be warmed by His loving compassion. He spoke to my broken heart as kisses touching my soul healing my wounded places with the balm of Gilead. He came and proclaimed His favor and called me out of my dungeon. He comforted me so that I could mourn the loss of my daughter. He exchanged my ashes for a crown of beauty, joy for my morning, praise for my despair. He restored my hope- He had not left me, but was ever present. And called me from the cleft of the rock into the light of His Presence so that He could transform me into a "planting of the Lord for the display of His Splendor."
You... delight to show mercy. Micah 7:8 Ask God for mercy in regard to your sack of ashes, your brokeness, your pain, your sorrows, anything thats stands between you and the intimate relationship he desires with you. He will break through the barriers. Just ask him; Beseech Him for a new revelation of His love for you. Do not believe Satan's lies.